"Somebody's got a case of the Monday's"

That would be me. 

As much as I love the snow, I'm getting grumpy.  We haven't had any mail delivery since Friday.  The day after I ordered Kirk's "big" present, we discovered he doesn't really need it after all.  It arrived today, the ONE time I was out of the house, so I couldn't refuse it, so I have to ship it back and wait God knows how long to get a refund. 

My computer battery charger cord broke and HOPEFULLY a new one will arrive in three days.  Wait.  That's Christmas day.  Ugh.  Oh, and the freeway is closed, so we can't get in to Portland for Christmas Eve services (yes, they have churches in Hood River, but Sunset is our home).  My dad can't make the drive up to be with us on Christmas (because of bad roads) and this will be the first time in my 39 years that I won't be with him on Christmas.

Lest I sound like I'm being negative, I'm really trying not to be.  We are incredibly blessed so I can't and shouldn't complain.  I'm just getting a little frustrated.  The snow is great - Kirk's very fortunate that he can work from home (like he did all last week, and will again this week).  The kids are healthy and happy.  I don't really have to be anywhere, except I miss seeing my grandma GREATLY.  I'm used to being with her almost every day, and it will be a week tomorrow since I've seen her.

I'm frustrated by silly inconveniences... closed freeways.  no mail.  delayed UPS deliveries.  broken battery chargers.  snow up to my thighs.  But then i remember that there are people who have been stuck at the airport since Friday.  All they want is to go home and there's no amount of money in the world that can make that happen.  They are all forced to wait.

We passed truck drivers on the side of I-84 yesterday.  Those guys are stranded here - not making any money.  Not a mile closer to their families.  

There are people who don't have families to go to Christmas day.  My dad can't be with us this year, but he's blessed to be surrounded by friends that have included them in their big family Christmas.

There's my grandma who will have her last Christmas in this world on Thursday.  My mind can't even go there.

So, while I want to sometimes complain about snow and ice and slippery streets and not being able to have the perfect Miller Family Christmas, all things that are REAL and frustrating - but very small in the big scheme of things.  When I get sulky  because things aren't going the way I think they should, I always remind myself that someone has it worse than I do.  I won't turn this in to a long flowery prose about all the things I have been blessed with, because really?  Who wants to read that?

Update:  That was written last night and after having a good cry about all of my perceived woes, I feel a little better.

Today has been different from the rest.  We've all been inside.  Tv's been off for the most part.  Kirk has been working all day ("struggling" would be a more accurate word) and is pretty frustrated.  The kids and I played some boardgames, I did a lot of reading.   Not having my computer is SORT OF nice.  SORT OF.  I waste a lot of time on that thing.

I was telling Kirk today how funny human-nature is.  For me personally, I use the phrase "I don't have time" a LOT.  I don't have time to clean this-or-that, don't have time to organize the closet, don't have time to paint the kids rooms... And for the past eight days, I've had nothing BUT time.  And what have I done?  A whole lotta nuth-in.  No major projects have been tackled.  Yeah, I've done some baking, but that's about it.  I just don't get it - all I ever want is TIME, and when I have it I don't take advantage of it. 

Time to get a therapist.  Or just an attitude adjustment.

Bleh.

Comments

[Melinda Groth]

A therapist? Isn't that what blogging and Twittering is for? I can understand your feelings of loss though. Not having your dad share Christmas with you and acknowledging the status of a final Christmas for your grandma are biggies. We have relatives that are stranded or unable to come, too.

[Jill]

I swear we were separated at birth. I love your honesty. You don't need a therapist...you need to hang out with your LDS. It will all be better. Love you friend. Hang in there.

[April Curtright]

I'm totally there with you Jos. I cried most of the day today. I too thought that I need to keep my perspective and that I know there are people who are worse off than me. While that is true, it doesn't diminish how we are feeling. Like Melinda said, you've got a couple of biggies on your plate...reasons to grieve. I think there's room for both...grief and gratitude. Don't be too hard on yourself girlie. I think you're pretty amazing. Still wish you lived closer though...I'd love to take part in your snowed-in-guess-I'll-bake way of coping. And I would have liked to be part of the board games too.

As Jill said, I admire your honesty. Thank you for helping eliminate MY isolation by allowing me to see that I'm not the only one that's tired of the snow and bummin' about Christmas. You should know you're not alone too. :o)

You rock Jocelyn!

[Karen Sjoblom]

You nailed it totally. I hope between the reflection and the tears Christmas will be doable for you. Plus--meant to tell you--that pic of you in the light blue gear looks beautiful. Does that help?? :) K

[Heather]

I love you, Jos. And, I'm feeling the same frustrations as you...especially that I can't see you and your family, dad, or grandma on Christmas.

I am so thankful that we have each other!

Heather

[Stephanie Morris]

This is such a great post.. so many of us feel the same way!!

Love you, friend... Merry Christmas to you, Kirk and the boys!!